It has been over four months now since we learned that our brother, son and friend, Steven Koecher went missing in the Las Vegas area. Since then our family has spent countless hours worrying and wondering about Steven. Where could he be? Why did he go down there? Why hasn't he tried making contact with us? What has happened to him? Is he alive or dead? So many questions and so little answers. It is absolutely amazing that with today's technologies that someone could go missing with out a trace of evidence.
Now four months, multiple searches, dozens of news stories and even a reward later still I don't think we are any closer to finding him then the day my dad and I went down there to search the area. Now it's time for me to express my feelings about the situation. I have been suppressing them and ignoring them and what ever else I can to do in an attempt not to feel.
Do you know what limbo feels like? I think I could tell you. Imagine the spectrum of emotion from pure joy and happiness to the deepest sorrow and pain, well for me limbo isn't on that scale at all. It's not even an emotion. It's a place where you can't feel the good or the pain. I think not feeling at all is worse then being in a pit of the deepest sorrow. At least then you know where to go from there. This whole thing has left me off the canons of normal emotion and taken me to a place I don't recognize.
I have become numb. When I talk about Steven to others I don't feel happy or sad, hopeful or doubtful, I just don't feel. It's become like talking about the weather in a forced conversation in which you try to avoid the awkwardness of silence. Meaningless. Each time some one asks me "Any news?" I go into the weather spiel. "No."
I must apologize to my family and friends who may think I am not take the gravity of the situation seriously. I'm sorry if I continue to be too jovial, or have seemed to move on, but really I hide the pain and fear of expecting the worst. I hide behind a smile, a joke, and a pretend confidence. I don't know of any other way to cope. I love my brother Steven so much. I feel like he and I always had a special bond, like we were cut from the same fabric as it were. I would call him from time to time to talk about anything and nothing, and he would do the same to me. Hearing his voice on his voice mail now that he's not a phone call away cuts deep inside of me.
So I apologize to my dear family. What you see in me now is a person coping over a missing brother. I haven't given up, but I just don't know where to go. I haven't lost hope, in the other side of the veil at least. It's in God's hands now.
Love ya Steve.
By: Dallin Koecher
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Thanks for sharing your thought and feelings with all of us. I know it's not easy. Everyone cope's with things differently and this was just your way. Aren't you glad you have the gospel in your life and know that no matter what happens it's in Heanenly Fathers hands and he will help you?! You are our family are still in my prayers.
Dallin thanks for sharing your heartfelt comments. Our prayers and love go out to you and your family. Steven's sphere of influence is felt and missed by us all. Thank you for sharing your feelings raw as they are now, it helps us all. Love you, your sweet wife and all the Koecher family.
Still hoping for a miracle for you all. Your words were very powerful and touching. The feelings you expressed are so deep and tender, and very understandable. It was such a pleasure to see you and your family earlier this month. Your parents are so wonderful, and your wife and boy are beautiful. I'll continue my prayers for you all.
I know when my life took a horrible turn when I was a kid, the numbness lasted for about 7 months. Its like the numbness results from the shock. The shock seemed to be from the fact that the world goes on when it seems like everything and everyone should stop when something so horrible has happened. I know when I finally did feel the pain it was huge, real and a relief. I hope the best for you and your family.
Post a Comment