Friday, December 16, 2011

It wasn't supposed to be this way

I have been thinking about the events of last week that surrounded the anniversary of my brother's disappearance and thought to myself with anguish, "It wasn't supposed to be this way."

We weren't  supposed to be lighting a tree to remember a brother, son, and uncle. We weren't supposed to have the media standing in our living room asking us questions about what we thought happened to Steve. We weren't supposed to be gathering for such a somber occasion.

Christmas wasn't supposed be a double dagger memory of a lost brother and a lost father who had fought so hard to bring his son home. My dad wasn't supposed be taken from us when it felt like we needed his strength, his resolve, and his insight the most. It wasn't supposed be to me to fill the role he left, and the role I tried to avoid for two years, because it hurt just too much to think about my missing brother.This isn't how his life was supposed to be.

It was supposed to be happy, filled with family, and absent of unanswered questions, fear of what could have happened, and the pain of loosing a loved one. We were supposed to be the quiet family down the street that didn't draw attention to themselves, that served others, and enjoyed each others company. We weren't supposed be the family that desperately tries to keep their story in the media in the hopes that someone, somewhere might come forward with information.

It wasn't supposed to be this way...

I am filled with gratitude for an amazing family who sticks by us through thick and thin. I am grateful for a family that never passes judgement, and always stands together to shoulder one anothers burdens. I am grateful for awesome friends who love us and shower us with prayers, thoughtful words, and kindness. I hate to think about how our life would be without these saintly people constantly surrounding us and encouraging us.

I am grateful for a mother whose unyielding faith stands as a beacon for all her children both missing and present to cling too. For a mother whose strength lifts the rest of us when we feel like we can no loner carry on. I'm grateful for brothers and sisters whose bond has become unbreakable and whose love for each other outshines the darkness of despair. I am grateful for a wife and child who help shape me into the man I need to be. They give meaning to a life that would otherwise be selfish and indulgent. They help me see the greatness inside.

This is how life is supposed to be.

I guess when I think about it, we're really not that far off...

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3 comments:

Winnie said...

i have been praying for you and your family since I learned of your brother's disappearance. Take care.

Jamie Blanks said...

What beautiful and encoraging words. It's obvious that your family is strong and grounded in their faith. I went to Belmar Elementary with Steven and I was shocked to hear of his disappearence. Your family and Steven are in my constant prayers. Please know that you are not alone- you have the prayers and support of people all over the world. May this new year bring peace and blessings to your family.

Pam Smith said...

Dallin, Thank you for your expressions of gratitude; particularly at this season of gratitude. Your words touched me deeply.